Articles/Reviews > More Articles > Continual help doesnt assist the irresponsible
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Continual help doesnt assist the irresponsible I recently read this quote “The mint makes it first, it’s up to you to make it last - Even Esar”. This quote got me thinking how it is our personal responsibility how we look after the money which comes into our lives. When I was doing my counselling training I learnt about a theory called the Karpman Triangle which fascinated me at the time as I noticed how often people were stuck in different “roles” in their lives. Either a victim, rescuer or persecutor. When I started doing life coaching and budget advising I noticed how these same principles apply to finance as well. The “victim” and the “rescuer” type personalities are at the opposite ends of the triangle. Surprisingly enough they are often fo
 und together in relationships which work for a while until the person playing “victim” or the person playing “rescuer” decides they don’t want to play this game anymore. The victim tends to blame others, live in the past, is financially irresponsible, wants to be rescued, is addictive and feels powerless. Whereas the “rescuer” loves to rescue, go guarantor, bails others out as they somehow feel responsible for their friends or relations poor financial habits. For the victim’s mentality to change he or she must realise it is their own responsibility to stay financially well. A rescuer needs to come to a place where they recognize they could be really hindering the victim from realising they are responsible for their own good and bad financial decisions. When a “rescuer” decides to stop rescuing a “victim” the victim can sometimes take on the role of a “persecutor” (to make someone the victim of continual pestering or harassment) by trying to convince that person they should keep rescuing them.
It is great if you can help someone out occasionally when they genuinely need it. However to continually rescue someone who is spending more than they earn by making poor choices is not helping them accept personal responsibility for their own poor financial decisions.
Silbo Systems, conduct money lessons for parents together with their children in small groups. For information contact us.
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